Disclaimer: Please know that all comparisons made in this post are only valid in my twisted, grieving brain. I know that they are completely irrational and I know (believe me, I know) that the two situations are not the same, but I need to get this out.

Three weeks ago, I got a phone call from my dad saying that two puppies had been dropped off out by the warehouse where he works, and he wanted to know if we knew anyone who wanted a puppy. My husband went and picked them up because his parents wanted one and they wouldn't let him only take one (because they didn't want one left at the warehouse).

Long story short, my in-laws decided they wanted the little one (the one on the left), but they wanted to give him to us to train him and then we would give him back. They were going to take the bigger one to the Haven, a shelter that uses dogs as therapy for kids. The night we took the puppy home, we decided that something was wrong and we took him to the vet the next morning. Turns out, he had parvo (a virus that is mostly fatal in puppies) and he was hospitalized for a week. Walking out those hospital doors without him brought back a tidal wave of emotions. I cried on the way home because I had just left another baby (irrational, I know) and he might not make it out.

Fast forward a week (and $650), we brought him home to stay. My in-laws were on the fence now about whether they still wanted him, so I figured that he was ours. We named him Bones because all he wanted when we first met him was Milk-bones. The first night he was home, I sat with him in my lap the entire evening and coaxed him to eat. I walked around outside with him for long periods of time, trying to get him to go. He began perking up after the second day and started playing with Selah (my other dog).

So it went for another week as we all learned how to read each other's needs. I got up with him many times in the night to take him outside and calm him down enough to go back to sleep afterwards. Now, he sleeps through the night, but I still lie awake at night to make sure he is alive in his crate. (I'm sure by now anyone reading this can see where this is going, and yes, I know that it is all crazy.)

My husband was less than pleased with all aspects of training Bones. He had a few rough days trying to get up and get out of the house with both of them there. Meanwhile, my mom has been talking to my aunt, who is a dog lover, and trying to find a home for this puppy because she doesn't think we need another dog in our small house. Saturday my aunt called and said that she had someone at work who was very excited to have the dog. She wanted some more information and pictures if he was still available. I called and asked my husband again and he said that we should go ahead and give him away

Now I am just waiting for the day when my aunt will show up and take him away and all my heart knows is that another baby will be gone from my house and my care. I know that he will be loved and well taken care of, but that doesn't make it hurt any less that he is leaving. I can't not be attached to him or not love him for the time that he is here and of course no one that I know can understand this. I just keep finding parallels between Bones and Raelyn (not the same, I know) and the emotions keep flooding back when I least expect them to. I don't know if there is anyone who will not think I am crazy after reading this (heck, I don't even believe in my own sanity right now, why should I expect others to), but this is what is on my heart right now.


Googies Girl said...

I completely understand the hurt this situation brings! And I DO NOT think you are crazy in any way.
Around the time of the diagnosis & delivery of our little girl, our Labrador was very sick. She was vomitting all of the time. We had her in & out of the vets office many, many times. Finally after exploratory abdominal surgery, we found out she had pancreatic cancer. She went from 95 lbs. to 60 lbs. in a matter of a few short weeks. We had to put her to sleep. We were devastated all over again. Leaving the vets office that day was just as brutal as leaving the hospital without our baby. And we had to make another decision that took someone we loved dearly away from us.
I am so sorry this is bringing so much pain that really does feel like another loss. You are so awesome for caring for this sweet puppy & there is no way you could not get attached to such a sweet face. Especially after loving & nursing him back to health. Our dogs are our babies & I competely understand all of the feeling you have. I'm so sorry. Please know you are in my prayers.

Whitney said...

I don't think you're crazy at all! After we lost Isaac, I remember thinking that I would just die if something happened to one of our pets. Being faced with another loss is hard no matter what the species! Saying a prayer for you today.