A Hope Deferred...

No news is not always good news. I have made no progress with my plan. In fact, my body has totally foiled the plan and left me with nothing.

It has been two years today since the last time I was truly happy. Tomorrow is the two year anniversary of the day our world crashed down around us in a whirlwind that has not stopped spinning. I have lost more friends than I knew I had. I have no direction, no drive, no hope. I am surrounded by people who don't understand. Heck, even I don't understand most of the time. I am angry for no reason and at people who don't know any better. The lady at work who is pregnant with #3 and complaining already at only 6 weeks doesn't know any better. The 26 yr old in the hospital willingly dying of diabetic noncompliance who will leave behind two young children doesn't know any better. The sister-in-law who I cannot speak to doesn't know any better. I guess I should say they don't know any worse. This is how it is supposed to be. This is life.

If that is life, then why is mine unraveling at the seams? Why do I have a disease that prevents me from getting pregnant? Why does my 26yr old husband have an auto-immune disease that he will have to live with forever? Why has that disease already begun destroying his liver? Why are we so far in debt when we own virtually nothing of value? Why is there bad news around every turn? How do I continue to trust when it seems no one is listening?