Mother's Day

Technically, this is not my first Mother's Day.

Last year, I was pregnant with Raelyn but I just didn't know it yet.

I didn't know that just two weeks later, a pregnancy test would give me the best day of my life.

I didn't know that my husband was about to have his first Father's Day and our dads were going to be Grandfathers on Father's Day.

I didn't know about this mother's love that transcends all time, space, and logic.

I didn't know that we would share this pregnancy with our friends who would become pregnant a month later.

I didn't know about nausea and onesies and stretch marks and OB visits and bouncy seats and tiny dresses and so many other tiny beautiful scary things.

I didn't know that five months later, my world would come crashing down around me.

I didn't know about soft markers or the lemon sign or rocker-bottom feet or clenched fists or Trisomy 18.

I didn't know that we would lose those pregnant friends because we were too uncomfortable to be around.

I didn't know about grief.

I didn't truly know about God's grace to carry me when I cannot stand.

I didn't truly know about His peace that passes all (and I do mean all) understanding.

I didn't truly know how He could love us as His own children because I had never held one of my own.

I didn't know...

I know now.


Rebekah said...

I didn't know I was pregnant my first mother's day either. How I wish to go back to being innocent- it's hard knowing what to do with the knowledge we now have.