Merry Christmas

I made it until the blessing before the meal (which only amounted to fifteen minutes) before I burst into tears. I cried silently through the prayer and dried my eyes enough to seem presentable through the mad rush to the dinner table while I was ducking into the back bedroom. My husband came and found me after a few minutes, but I told him to go away or I would cry harder. I got it together enough to make it through the rest of Christmas Eve dinner.

That should have been MY daughter that my dad held during the prayer. There should have been an eleven month old toddling around with the other kids. I should have filled my memory card with pictures of my own child, not someone elses kids.

I miss you, Raelyn, and I love you more than you will ever know.


Shannon said...

I thought this Christmas would have been easier for me. But I think last Christmas I was still in shock. And now the shock has worn off and reality has fully set in. It was indeed a difficult day.


Ebe said...

It is always hard. I'm so sorry....

Missing Raelyn with you.